Happiness by Subtraction

A little over 5 years ago, If you looked at my life from the outside in, you would have thought I had everything. I very carefully kept secrets of the terrible things that were happening inside my home. I told myself I was protecting my family. The beginning of 2021, I left a 20 year marriage when I could no longer justify staying and realized that staying was hurting the people I was trying to protect- my 5 children.

There is a lot that can be said about that time, but that is for another day.

Starting over at 45 years old has its challenges, but I had something very valuable, life experience. I knew what worked and didnt work for me. I knew that I never wanted to hide again. I knew that I wanted to live a life that felt authenticate. I took responsibility for my happiness.

Being a single mother of 5, and running a successful real estate business and household means I have to manage my time. I have to say no to a lot of things. Knowing what is important to me and having a clear vision of my future goals makes this easy. Saying no to anything that does not fall within one of those buckets is a must for me. Top priority for me now is my kids and making sure they transition into young adulthood with the tools to create a life for themselves that is fulfilling. For me, this means spending time with them, supporting their interests, making sure they feel supported so they can take some chances, and hopefully guiding them to make decisions that will allow them to support themselves.

Next and equally important, is taking care of my own personal health and happiness. I cannot pour from an empty cup and there are 5 very important people depending on me. I take rest when i need it, treat myself to massages, afternoons with friends, occasional travel. I give myself permission to have fun and to not be perfect. I forgive myself for the times i was less than my best self. I know the things that add to my life and i say Yes to those things. Time with family, time with friends, creating a home that feels good.

My work is a combination of necessity and also, thankfully, something I love. I am passionate about home ownership. I love getting to know my clients and help them with this very big part of their life. Any opportunity i have to work, I say YES! It honestly fills my cup ( and pays the bills).

I do not feel guilty for the things I have to say no to. I have subracted a lot from my life. Some of the things I have subtracted bring me short-term happiness but do not fall in line with my future goals or current obligations, these are not as easy to let go of.

If you want to create a life that feels fulfilliing to you, take a good look at what brings you happiness. It could be spending time outdoors, spending time with friends, travel, creating something, volunteering. Then look at where you want to be 5 years, 10 years, 15 years down the road. Say yes to everything that will fill your cup and get you closer to your dream life, and get comfortable saying no to everything else.

I have one rule- the pursuit of my own happiness cannot hurt another person.

I would love to hear how you have created a life that feels good to you!